Numbness
by Rid's the Bomb.com
Summary: I want to feel again. But that's another sick and cruel joke that fate keeps from me.


**Hi, this is sorta like a tribute to a loss of a close loved one. I will use Cato as my personal outlet of emotions because I actually feel like he could understand maybe in a sick and twisted way. Sorry if my writing either results in you crying, confused, disgusted, or all the above. Just to warn you my writing is horrendous. If you're still reading this, then I applaud you for your bravery, and review or not, I appreciate you taking the time. Also, Disclaimer, I don't own the Hunger games. If I did, it'd have a different ending. **

Maybe it's alright to feel this numb. That's what I can keep telling myself at least. I try to feel something, but things don't go as planned right? **  
**

Maybe it's healthy to be talking to myself and her corpse. The voices are annoying. They tell me to let go and move on. But what do they know?

Maybe she really isn't there anymore, it's not fair. I try to feel, anything, but life is cruel. I want to be angry or heartbroken that they took my Clove.

But I just can't seem to, because it's all surreal. So when I run until I can't feel my legs like everything else in my body, I try to convince myself that maybe it's

just the rain.

Maybe _just_ maybe, I can convince myself that those weren't tears running down my face.

Yeah, it's just rain.

Maybe I can then believe my Clover isn't gone, that we will go home and be happy. But then the rain stops and I feel the tears still rolling down my cheeks, reality

slaps me in the face.

So I let the Capitol take her, maybe she'll be happier out of this place.

The world is a cruel place that gives you people who can make you _actually feel_, with your blood coursing through you because you're too high on happiness

to ever care about reality.

Then the world decides it'd be okay to take away that one person who _does _make you happy.

You fall apart until you can't feel yourself falling anymore, like you're numb.

It's nice to know some people can use that word so easily. _Numb._ But to some people it's more than a cold feeling, it's _no _feeling.

I don't have my Clove anymore to fill that void, I hate saying it because it's true and wrong.

I have more hatred to people who say she's watching over me.

If she was watching over me she'd save me and take me with her.

Why would she just stand there and watch?

So where is she? Everyone tells me she's gone, but they can't tell me where she is.

It's stupid really, just tell me where she is.

It scares me because I'm forgetting her.

The little things that mean the most.

Her melancholy laughter when life wasn't too kind.

Her tiny glances of smiles that could make me feel like I actually matter.

I even miss the way she cried.

At least she could show _something._

It makes me want to sob that I can't remember any of it, maybe _I am_ losing my mind.

It feels like weeks, but it's been hours.

Death couldn't come any faster, and just when I thought life could give me mercy.

But when I hear a voice announcing my victory, I want to scream until my throat was raw.

They'll never understand.

It's not even the misery in the dying children.

It's that I still _feel_ nothing.

I see the pills in my shaking hand.

That's all, just one swallow.

The nurses make it seem easy, _they_ should swallow.

I can't even fight back anymore, the numbness is too deafening.

At night nightmares don't come.

That's even scarier.

Maybe this is what life is about.

Having that one happiness that can block out the misery.

Then having them taken away so easily.

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

I hate that word.

_Goodbye_. It sounds too happy.

Don't they get it?

I'm seeing you soon Clover, yet they will me to say goodbye.

They drag me away from your spot in the land of the dead.

It kills me that you're just another face.

Oh I could just laugh at how ironic it is.

It kills me? I wish.

People say sorry to me.

Why?

I'm the one who deals with the numbness.

I'm the one who's falling into oblivion.

But i'll join you my dear, soon.

We'll be two forgotten faces in the world.

Maybe someone else will deal with numbness.

As we hold eachother's hand, we'll fall down together.

I like that word.

Together.

**Sorry my writing sucks, but for the first time ever I don't care. This was for me, not to please, just for me. Love you all. **


End file.
